Plan B is the new Plan A
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
