I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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