You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
