i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
