i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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