I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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