VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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