true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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