dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
