This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
