I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
