when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
