u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
