Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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