my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
