your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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