she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
