I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
