You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
