Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
