And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize