just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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