when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
