Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
