nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
