his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize