if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
