Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
