I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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