Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
