You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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