Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
