I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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