Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
