i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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