Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
