We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
