Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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