So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
