I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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