i don't plan on having that self control this summer
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
