but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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