As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
