guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
