i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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