you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
