best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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