so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
