the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
