one might say we're banned from that church
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
