literally had 100 drinks last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
