Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
