I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
