please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
