You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
