DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
