id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am available for nakedness
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
