Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
