That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
