All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
