fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize