you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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