The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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