Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
