I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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